I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
