I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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