I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
