Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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