I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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