I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
