Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
