yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
