Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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