I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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