He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize