I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
