She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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