I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
