i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
