you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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