My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
