just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
