The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im part way to drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
