***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this is an emotional support booty call
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
