i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
