The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
