I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
