HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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