dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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