he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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