she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
