hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Enjoy the penises
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize