Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
