I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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