mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
they're like a gay fantastic four
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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