im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
