this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
