You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize