his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
