i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
