"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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