Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
