if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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