Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
