You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
