have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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