eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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