But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
