Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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