Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
