There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
