Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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