if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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