Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
