thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
