i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
