Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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