would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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