We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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