oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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