how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
