I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
