You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
