cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
