I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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