its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Shame is for Republicans.
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