He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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