he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
