ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
