it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
