I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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