the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
