And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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