gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
