go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
