i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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