She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
