You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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