based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
