If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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